“Why Do I Keep Falling Back Into Old Patterns?” Understanding Survival Cycles and the Nervous System.
- luezzell9
- Aug 31
- 3 min read
Why Do I Keep Falling Back Into Old Patterns?
You might find yourself thinking, “I promised myself I wouldn’t do this again. "Maybe it’s going back to a relationship you knew wasn’t good for you. Maybe it’s saying yes when you wanted to say no. Maybe it’s numbing out with habits you thought you’d left behind.
And you might feel frustrated with yourself: “Why do I keep repeating this? Why can’t I just stop?”
People around you might not understand. They might say things like, “Just walk away,” or “You should know better by now. "But if it were that simple, you wouldn’t still be stuck in the cycle.
When Change Isn’t That Simple
Many people come to counselling thinking they just need more willpower to change. But often, they’ve tried countless times before and found themselves back in the same place.
The truth is, repeating old patterns isn’t about weakness or failure. It’s about survival.
If you grew up in an environment where safety, love, or worth felt uncertain, your nervous system adapted to protect you. Maybe you learned to:
Stay quiet to avoid conflict.
Please others to keep the peace.
Shut down when things felt overwhelming.
Use substances, food, or distractions to cope.
These aren’t flaws. They’re survival strategies that helped you get through what you couldn’t control.
The problem is, the nervous system doesn’t automatically switch off those strategies once the danger has passed. What once kept you safe can keep you stuck.
Why Survival Cycles Feel So Familiar
Part of what makes these cycles so difficult is that they feel familiar. Even if they’re painful, they’re predictable.
If you survived abuse, your tolerance for harm may be higher than you realise. You learned to endure, so what feels “unacceptable” to others might feel “normal” to you.
If love was inconsistent, chaos might feel more familiar than calm.
If rejection was painful, people-pleasing may feel safer than boundaries.
This isn’t your fault. It’s the nervous system doing what it knows best: keeping you alive in the ways it learned how.
What Breaking Survival Cycles Might Look Like
Breaking free isn’t about snapping out of it or deciding to “just stop.” It’s about gently teaching your body and mind that safety is possible now.
In counselling, this can look like:
Recognising patterns — beginning to notice when you’re people-pleasing, shutting down, or drawn to the familiar.
Honouring your survival strategies — instead of shaming yourself, understanding they were protective.
Experimenting with new responses — practising saying no, setting boundaries, or staying present when you’d usually disconnect.
Building safe connections — creating relationships where your nervous system can learn a new experience of trust and care.
Healing Starts With Safety
Your nervous system isn’t trying to sabotage you, it’s trying to protect you. That urge to shut down, please, escape, or go back to what’s familiar isn’t a flaw. It’s your system bracing for danger, even if the danger is no longer there.
In counselling, we don’t strip away your armour. We work with it. We understand what it’s been doing for you, and we create a space where your nervous system can gradually feel safe enough to try something new.
You Don’t Have to Do This Alone
Trying to break survival cycles on your own can feel exhausting, especially if your past taught you to handle everything by yourself.
Clients often tell me they wish they’d started counselling sooner. Not because it fixes everything overnight, but because it helps them finally understand that staying stuck wasn’t a personal failure. It was survival.
And survival isn’t the same as living.
Counselling can be the space where you begin to move from survival into choice, connection, and self-worth.
Final Thoughts
If you’ve ever asked yourself, “Why do I keep ending up here again?” you’re not failing. You’re carrying survival strategies that once kept you safe.
Breaking survival cycles doesn’t begin with shame or blame. It begins with safety, understanding, and support.
If you’d like to explore what this could look like for you, I offer a free 15-minute discovery call, no pressure, just a chance to see if counselling feels like the right step for you.
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